Next time a white person accuses you of #reverseracism, ask them if they have two and a half minutes to watch this
made my entire morning
This guy stopped watching porn — and he wants you to know why. Gender activist Ran Gavrieli felt that most of the images he saw in porn encouraged negative, even violent, attitudes toward women, despite a recent wave of feminist porn. So he pulled the plug, and found that his personal sex life and private fantasies became much more fulfilling.
In his talk at TEDxJaffa, he advocates for physically and emotionally-safe sex, as well as erotica that shows a wider range of fulfilling sexual experiences — including the intimacy of human connection, laughter, and touch. Watch his talk here.
Although, I do slightly agree with some of what he says, you have to pick at this carefully. I’m sorry but ALL PORN isn’t bad. Watching porn isn’t bad. If you watch porn, it DOESN’T MEAN you are alternately a bad person or that you will turn into an abusive lover. The problem with someone turning into an abusive lover is not the porn TURNING YOU, the problem is within YOURSELF to begin with.
The whole, blaming porn for people’s actions is a really cheap shot. People who view porn are (or should be, and for the rest of this i will continue to assume everyone is an adult) adults. Adults should already tell what is right and wrong, what is fantasy and what is not. If you can’t tell between the 2, the problem is you, not the porn.
If you don’t communicate with your partner before, during, and after-sex, that is not porn’s fault. That is actually yours. What I don’t understand about this young man saying that he USED to have really good fantasies and wanted to communicate, but porn made him change. I call that bullshit. Because if he really wanted to communicate, he would have done so. A video on the internet does not change that. You changed your style because you yourself could not tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Then again, If you are easily gullible or manipulated by any media, then yes, by all means stay away from porn.
And that is what fantasies are after all; the faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things. Key words: improbable and impossible. Fantasies are just that.
Also, if you don’t really understand what a BDSM relationship is REALLY, than i suggest you never watch such a video or even TRY to do such an activity because you will probably hurt someone in the process. Against popular belief, the actual root of BDSM is actually mutual trust and respect. There are rules and boundaries. So if you watch a BDSM video and then alternately blame it for beating your partner, you are an idiot.
One the prostitution bit: Adult Actors actually are in in this business because they like it. It’s a job like any other. THEY ARE ACTORS FOR ADULT MEDIA. It’s not like they are enslaved to do this. Many of them enjoy their line of work. It doesn’t make them any less than anyone else.
Yes, I do agree that the porn industry has it’s sketchy areas and that it’s not all pink roses. Yes, there are some that exploit their actors, their female actors, or what they tape. Yes, those categories exist…but you know what? You don’t have to go look in them. You can easily forgo those. But just like that there are many progressive sites that are very enjoyable and respectful off all of them. For example, XArt has many videos where the couples are mostly enjoying each other…no violence, no humiliation. Just couples enjoying themselves.
Also, watching FREE porn sites does not ‘help the industry’ just FYI…so you are not adding to the demand of these being made. You kinda have to buy the work to actually help them out.
So yes, while I do agree with some of this man’s finer points, [ as in yes, some thing out of the porn industry should definitely be boycotted]but you can’t conglomerate ALL PORN media into the same stack, because there HAS been progress with what is shown in porn. As well as that you need to understand FANTASIES ARE FANTASIES, THAT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT KINKS, and that basically, if you can’t tell what is right and wrong, or are easily manipulated from what you see on your screen, then maybe the problem is mostly you. Porn should be an outlet for you to “see” those fantasies, not an actual idea maker for you to go out and copy and repeat…because you WILL have problems in your love life if you don’t understand this.
If you personally decide to not watch porn, that is totally awesome. If you still watch porn, then that’s awesome too. All as long as your know that these are FANTASIES being portrayed and that you should always have good communication and respect with your partner.
It is a bit ridiculous to blame videos for warping your mind when you’re an adult and should be able to differentiate on your own. You cannot blame porn or a bag of chips for your own willful addiction. I’m female and crave the consensual violence and degradation of a sexual nature; as do any number of adult film workers/sex workers, regardless of sex and gender. I have seen “violated and subordinated” willing participants in every spectrum under the sun. BDSM is physically and emotionally-safe sex… This is where the ability to ascertain the differences of fantasy logically come into play. By dictating that all sex work is “exploitation” with a failure to understand mutual consent and desire, you’re not “all for sexual freedom.”All I hear in the comments is: “This makes me feel guilty, so let me justify this.” He isn’t saying that anyone is a bad person for watching porn, which you would know, if you bothered watching the entire thing instead of basing your opinion off a gif set. No, not ALL PORN is bad for the aforementioned reasons, but does the average porn watcher understand the difference between what is consensual and not that they are watching? No. Does porn create an unhealthy ideal of sex? Yes. Does porn perpetuate safe sex? No. Does porn give healthy ideals to young impressionable kids? No. And let’s face it it isn’t only adults who are watching porn. How many 13 year olds are out there jerking it? A lot. It is an unfortunate truth. Porn is not teaching anyone healthy or realistic sex. So even though I am an adult with lots of sexual experience who can spot differences and bother to look into porn production companies, is that your average porn market? Nope. Reflecting on your porn and it’s effects on you is similar to checking your privilege. It is a healthy thing to do!